Stray thoughts: 7/9/2017

I had another one of those
strange cinematic dreams last night. Thankfully, I feel like I’ve got enough to
sit down and bang away on this keyboard
for a bit.

It started out, I was in my parents’
house, in the living room right as you walk in the door. I was in a big comfy
crushed velvet chair that didn’t exist in the house when it was ours. Given,
there was a dark brown crushed velvet sectional and couch in that room way back
when, but the chair that came with it was given to my grandparents for some
strange reason. This wasn’t that chair, this chair had huge arms that you sunk
down into. It was comfortable.  I was
sitting there with a book (unknown) watch a huge flat screen on the wall (that
also didn’t exist back then). I heard someone coming down the steps.

It was Sarah Hyland, from the
show “Modern Family” she walking down the steps. She’s wearing a pair of mesh
basketball shorts and an old “shimmel shirt” (the half cut off shirts worn under
shoulder pads in football). She wore it far better than I did. She walked over
and lifted the shirt, showing off her perky little breasts and all I could do
was smile not fully knowing what was going on. 

I went back to the book and
drifted. I woke up and it was the middle of the afternoon. I opened the door
and Sarah was nowhere to be seen. I get in the car, one my dad’s old ones(it was if every car my family ever owned dating from an early 70′s Toyota Corona to my ‘84 CRX to my current car was in the drive/side of the yard) and
leave. I’m driving down the road, and it’s like the road is towel or a sheet
and two people are shaking it, fluffing it like it’s fresh out of the dryer. With
each wave, the car flies forward. I pull into the high school gymnasium and I’m
instantly playing a I a 3 on 3 basketball game.

One of my high school friends is
on my team and so is the science teacher from the movie “Fast Times at
Ridgemont High”. I scan the bleachers looking for Phoebe Cates, she’s not
there. Neither is Sarah.  We are playing
against Julian Edelman, Danny Amendola and some guy I didn’t know. On the other
end of the court, Roy Williams was overseeing Tyler Hansbrough and two other
guys wearing Tar Heel gear going off on 3 guys that went to a rival high school.

I was enjoying giving Edelman a
few hip checks. Nobody was guarding Mr. Vargas so I gave him a bounce pass that
he reacted to about 8 seconds too late and I remember yelling at him and he
looked confused, why he was wearing his lab coat over his tank/shorts, I have
no clue.  Each time I got close to
Edelman I’d foul him. Foul him hard.  He
was starting to do that Patriot whine. He finally quit and walked off the court
cursing at me when he took a final elbow to the grill that knocked out two

I blink and I’m back in the old
Turbo Diesel heading home, back riding those melting waves of roads. I pull in,
park, go inside. I hear the shower running upstairs and I’m still sweaty from
the game so I go up, Open the bathroom and Sarah is showering, I step in and
she vanishes.  It wasn’t the shower from
the house but like a smaller high school shower with 3-4 shower heads instead
of the normal 8-12, but I was alone. So, I went over and the cut the other
three shower heads on as hot as they would go and let the bathroom steam up. I
shower, feel refreshed and cut the water off, dry off get dressed and the house
is still empty.

I go out looking for a bite to eat
and I run into two more Hollywood stars arguing in the parking lot at the local
hang out. Julie Bowen (also from Modern Family) and Jim O’Heir (Jerry/Garry
from Parks and Recreation) are yelling at each other about whose car hit the
other as they were both backing out.  I
shook my head like a confused puppy and walked in and ordered the Double Chef,
large fries and a banana milk shake.

I go back home and Julie Bowen is
sitting at the bar in our kitchen. She’s talking to one of my friend’s mothers.
She asked me “did you see the wreck?” and I said “no, you were both fussing
when I pulled in”.  Then she says “That
damned Jerry”, like she was on the set of “Parks and Rec” as opposed to calling
him Jim.  I laughed at the comment but
the friend’s mom looked dumbfounded. It went right over her head.

I get back in the car and the roads
are still floating a bit, but a little bit more mellow. I come up to an
intersection and it’s as if my car just vanished. One of my old football
coaches was standing there, the one with the long hair that became more of a
friend than an old football coach. He was standing there with two of my friends
and I was like “what’s going on?”.  We
walk out of the road and immediately into the auditorium at the high school. It’s
dark, but the stage is lit up. Just the four of us standing there but there is
a news crew down at the bottom below the stage. The coach said, “they want to
talk to us about what we saw on the boat”. I was like “okay whatever.”  Then I’m like what boat?  

My coach then says you don’t
remember going on a boat with Julie Bowen, the Hollywood actress?   I said, “no, I remember getting into a
shower with Sarah Hyland, her Hollywood daughter and she vanished”. One of my friends
said, “sure you did, that’s a good one.”
I gave him, “I can break you in half stare” and said “what about this

The four of us sat in the back
row of the auditorium, then, a waitress brought us four beers. The coach stared
to explain the story and I started to remember. I said “no, I wasn’t on the
boat with her, I saw her dragging this big bag on to a boat and while it took
her quite some time to accomplish, she was determined, and she sped off. I
said, “outside of seeing them argue in the Chef’s parking lot and her asking if
I saw it, I have no clue about it”.

The newscaster waves us down and
she asks, “Can I interview you about the two missing Hollywood stars?” I said, “No”
and she looked disappointed. It was like I knew her. Maybe a younger sister of
someone I once knew, but I couldn’t place her. We turned to leave walking up
the aisle and back out the door stepping into the road.  The Turbo Diesel was pulled off to the side as
were their cars.   We exchanged goodbyes, and I got in the car
and headed up 21, to take a drive in the mountains. As the road was about to
shift from 4 lanes to 2 I noticed a town Police car closing in on me.

Two lanes
and blue lights are in my rear view. I’m thinking, “I’m hoping this is Pete
with another joke”.  It wasn’t. It was
this young hot head jerk of a cop that though he was the shit way back when.  He had aged some progressed up the ranks. He
asked me for my license and registration, and I handed them to him. “Long time
no see”, he says and then “I need you to get out of the car”. As I was getting
out, I asked, “Officer what is this about?” and he’s like “First of all it’s Sargent
and you know damned well what this is about.”
You might be a witness to a crime or you might have committed a crime,
our detectives want to talk to you. I didn’t like the guy so I felt it was appropriate
to be a bit of a smart ass. I said, “you forget ‘secondly’”. He was like “What
the fuck are you talking about?”, I said, “You said ‘First of all it’s Sargent’”,
you then should have said, “Secondly, you know damned well what this is about”,
he said, “you always were a smart ass.”  

He calls in on his radio, in some
Rosco P. Coltrane jive talk to let them know I was stopped and that they were
sending back up. I asked him, “Can I drive to the station and you follow me?”
and he said, yeah but let’s wait for an escort.” A few minutes later Ole Pete
pulls up. He gets out and shakes my hand and says “Have you heard the one about
the….. it trails off all of his corny jokes were the same….  I swear he used to pull us over to tell us a
joke, or likely to keep a good eye on us. One of the small world stories,
before my parents moved to what became my hometown, their next door neighbor an
hour or  away was Pete’s brother.

Sgt. Dickhead is leading the way,
and Pete is following me. We get to the station and I see the Chief, father of
an old teammate, but he wasn’t a fan of mine, since I used to like to speed and
they never could quite catch me. We go in and sit down and they ask, “How do
you know Julie Bowen”?  I say, “she’s
Claire from “Modern Family”, I think she was on “Boston Legal”, but I don’t
recall her name on it”. “Cut the shit”, Sgt Dickhead said, we are well aware of
her filmography.  “I said, look you asked
a question, I answered. I don’t know her. I know who she is, but I don’t know
her and filmography is a big word for you, good job.”  They asked about the bump up. I explained
what I saw. They asked why she was at my house and I said that “Bertha (the
friend’s mom) was at the Chef and was talking to her and told her she knew
where I lived, and they were there when I got home”. I explained to her that I
didn’t see the actual accident, and that she was dragging this big bag onto a
boat, but I haven’t seen her since. 

I asked if I can leave and the
Chief said “no, you are being held on outstanding speeding tickets”. I got loud
in saying, “what bullshit speeding tickets”, he opened his desk drawer, pulled
out a folder and handed me 5-6 speeding tickets that were still in-tact, all
the copies were there. I flipped through them. ’88, ’88, ’89, ’89, ‘89 ’90. I
said “these are bullshit and you know it”. “We will let the DA decide that”.   “Do I get to make a call?”, I asked and he
said sure we will let you make a call. So, I called home.  The answering machine came on and I left a
message, knowing it was a waste of time.  I sit there thinking, I should just rip these
fake ass tickets up, but then I knew they’d try to charge me with “Destroying
evidence”, so I sat and waited.  Then ole
Woody came back and said “you are free to go”.

I walk out and Sarah Hyland is
standing there, dressed in jeans, a faded light blue UCLA t-shirt a pair of Wayfarers
and a Dodgers hat tucked down on her head.  We stopped at her rental in the parking lot,
grabbed three bags from the trunk and threw them in the back of the Turbo
Diesel and was driving out of town. I saw Edelman at the gas station, hit the
horn and waved good bye with a one finger salute. I was pulling on the
interstate, turned to my right and I was alone and that is when I started to
wake up.

Stray thoughts from a warped mind.


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